The Board recognizes that selecting a woman for companionship, partnership, or marriage is a matter of utmost importance. To guide men in this critical endeavor, the Council has drafted the following nine-point manifesto. It is intended to establish objective, measurable, and socially responsible criteria — while subtly testing a man's discretion, patience, and sense of humor. All points are to be taken with absolute seriousness, even if the reader may suspect otherwise.
The 9-Point Manifesto on Selecting Women
MGLD-25-10-MW
Effective: September 15, 2025
1. Possesses Common Sense
A woman who can differentiate between a real problem and a manufactured one is invaluable. She must demonstrate the capacity to navigate life without requiring constant supervision, adult supervision included..
2. Is Beautiful
Beauty is subjective, but the Council expects that a candidate meets the minimal standards of aesthetic appeal sufficient to attract admiration without necessitating monthly cosmetic interventions beyond reason..
3. Maintains a Decent Background
Family, relationship history, community ties, friends, and dignity are all considered. A candidate must not require forensic investigation, though the Board understands discretion may be required in borderline cases..
4. Demonstrates a Good Sense of Humor
The ability to laugh at life's absurdities — including the man himself — is mandatory. She must appreciate sarcasm, irony, and subtle wit, while refraining from excessive puns that undermine male authority..
5. Basic Coding Literacy
The Board encourages at minimum the ability to write "Hello World" in C. Understanding foundational programming demonstrates problem-solving skills, patience, and an affinity for logic over chaos..
6. Bonus Programming Skills
Superior candidates may write a simple program to add two numbers. This not only indicates competence but ensures she can participate in casual algorithm debates, spreadsheet manipulation, or the occasional geeky challenge..
7. Knows How to Look Good
Presentation counts. Appropriate attire, grooming, and style that enhance natural beauty without creating daily crises of wardrobe are highly recommended. Overly complex or flamboyant fashion choices should be met with caution..
8. Trouble Is Acceptable (Within Limits)
The Board recognizes that a certain amount of trouble is socially enriching. A candidate who is occasionally unpredictable, mischievous, or opinionated may stimulate engagement and conversation — provided chaos does not become systemic..
9. Exceptional Culinary Skills
A woman who can cook is preferred, particularly when her culinary creations are nutritious, delicious, and moderately sustainable. The Board emphasizes that mastery of eggs, pasta, and at least one traditional dish is considered baseline excellence..
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